I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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