Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
