just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
