I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
