So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
