Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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