so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
