NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
