a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
