i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
