My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
