i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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