i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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