My first STD was from a foam party
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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