got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
