i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
not ubering you a puppy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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