have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
