this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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