ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
