At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
