Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
