How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
