shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Houston, we have a blender
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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