Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
