I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
