Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
