There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
