so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
