Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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