My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
