I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
