pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
