if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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