ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
