Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
