He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
