it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
