the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
