one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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