nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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