Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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