Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
