mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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