I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
