it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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