so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
