So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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