I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
