i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
