Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
