hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
